ZOMBIE MOVIE REVIEWS!
Burial Ground (1979)- (Feat. Karen Well, Peter Bark)
Burial Ground is one of the best zombie films of all time! The plot is great!! A professor discovers a secret that only he knows! The professor goes into a cave and hits some rocks! Corpses come to life and eat the professor?!! Why? Who cares?!! They pull out lots of guts! Many of the zombies have ceramic heads! Many of these ceramic heads are smashed!! The zombies are full of green water!! The zombies use tools to kill people! (I believe this must be one of the first films to have zombies with some intelligence!!) The zombies use a battering ram to knock down a door so they can eat more guts! There is a very strange looking man who plays a child who loves his mother a little too much! When the strange, man-child turns into a zombie his mother lets him nurse on her breasts like he used to love to do so much in his younger years, well, you can guess what happens!!! He is a guts eating zombie now after all! Cheesy, Italian, zombie-horror at its best!
Directed by- Andrea Bianchi
-Click here for a video clip of the Maid Losing Her Head from Burial Ground!!-
Night of the Death Cult (1977)- (Feat. Victor Petit, Maria Kosti, Sandra Mazarosky, Julie James)
Night of the Death Cult is one of four movies in Amando de Ossorio's Blind Dead collection! This film was no doubt also given a title with Blind Dead in it some where! Night of the Death Cult is probably my second favorite of Ossorio's Blind Dead films! Night of the Death Cult once again features Templar knights who have risen from the dead to exact revenge upon the living! Blinded with fire before their executions- the zombie Templars must use sound to find their prey! Ossorio's Blind Dead flicks are probably the only zombie films to have zombies who ride horses! These undead Templars also carry swords with which to murder their victims, of course, they are undead knights after all! The zombie make-up/special effects are quite simple but more complicated than the effects most crappy zombie film makers use! The Templars have masks which look like skulls with mummified skin on them- and beards! They wear long brown robes and have skeletal hands that don't move when you see them up close, awesome!
In this film a doctor and his wife find themselves in a town where young virgins must be sacrificed to keep the Templars from killing everyone! Great! Many people think these films are Italian horror films but I myself just learned Ossorio is Spanish and the films were filmed in Spain!
Directed by Amando de Ossorio
Tombs of the Blind Dead (Late 70s or early 80s)- (Feat. ?)
Tombs of the Blind Dead is the first and most boring of the Blind Dead films. The movie a must for all those like Uncle Jack who must see all the Blind Dead films no matter what however!
Directed by Amando de Ossorio
-Click here for a video clip of the Blind Dead destroying the living from Tombs of the Blind Dead!!!-
Scenes from Tombs of the Blind Dead!
Oasis of the Zombies (1983)- (Feat. Manuel Gelin, France Jordan, Eric Viellard, Henry Lambert)
An oasis in the desert is rumored to have lost Nazi gold! The oasis also happens to be infested with Nazi zombies! When a student discovers that his recently deceased father had searched for this lost gold he gets some friends and film makers to go after it! The zombies suck! The zombies are the usual people with a tiny bit of latex and dirt on them! The acting is not very good! A crappy filter is put on the camera at random times to sort of make it look like night time, the time when the zombies come out obviously! The shots switch between a false darkness and complete day light quite frequently. While not as bad as many shitty zombie films, and they do seem to be mostly shitty, Oasis of the Zombies is more or less an 82 minute waste of time.
Directed by Jess Franco
The Incredible Melting Man (1977)- (Feat. Alex Rebar, Michael Alldredge)
This film is essentially a zombie film. A man returns from a trip into the rings of Saturn with a horrible disease! The disease causes the man to melt! In order to stay alive the melting man must eat people, of course!!! As one can see from the cover of the box the "Incredible Melting Man," looks pretty darn awesome- good, cheesy special effects!
Written and Directed by William Sachs
-Click here for an original video preview of The Incredible Melting Man!!!-
Zombie Lake (1984)- (Feat. Howard Vernon, Britt Carva, Fred Sanders)
This movie is a complete piece of vomit-direah-shit-crap! If you want to see chicks who need to eat some food take off all their clothes and go swimming and get it on with Nazi soldiers in crappy flash backs, well then I guess you should watch this mound of trash! Just about the worst looking nazi zombies ever, the water seems to wash off most their green make up! The zombies' hands are green sometimes and very healthy looking, pink skinned hands at other times! I watched about half an hour of Zombie Lake when I realized I really had to stop wasting my time! It bored me till my head throbbed with the agony of boredom! The gore is on par with the ketchup special effects I used in elementary school making my own zombie films with friends! This movie sucks so much it should be illegal! To believe they had the audacity to claim it is, "The most terrifying zombie massacre ever to come to the screen!"
Directed by Peter Chevalier
-Click here for a Video Clip of a Zombie Nazi Eating A Woman's Neck To Prove Zombie Lake's Shittyness!!-
Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (Feat. Alan Ormsby, Jane Daly, Anya Ormsby, Jeffery Gillen, Paul Cronin, Valerie Mamches)
Some people think this movie sucks so much that it is funny and good! I think it sucks so much that it really sucks! High school play style acting, terrible zombie make up, mostly just a lot of people doing monologues and thinking they are great actors and actresses when they should really just eat glass and die! Puke!
Written and Directed by Benjamin Clark
Night of the Zombies (1981)- (Feat. Jamie Gillis, Ryan Hilliard)
More Nazi zombies! Night of the Zombies has a very lame plot, very lame acting, and very lame special effects! THE END!
Directed by Larin E. Price
Night of the Zombies (198?)- (Feat. Frank Garfield, Margarit Newton, Selan Karay
Not to be confused with the crap fest with the same title above, this "Night of the Zombies" does not feature Nazi zombies! What is up with that?! Nazi zombie movies always suck, that's not cool! Any way, this zombie film is pretty good even though the zombies pretty much look like normal people all the time. There is a nice scene of African villagers eating their rotting dead!
A place called Hope Center One which is supposed to helping the world's starving poor, turns out to really be playing with chemicals and germs to kill the world's poor! Awesome concept! As one might imagine Hope Center One's experiments result in zombies and cause lots of problems for everyone! Cheesy but better than most zombie flicks! I believe this is the film that has an especially nice scene involving zombie birds! It could be Zombi 3 though, I get the two confused!
Directed by Vincent Dawn
Music by GOBLIN! (Goblin did music for lots of great 70s/80s horror films, Italian primarily, worked with Dario Argento a lot)
Zombi 3 (1988)- (Feat. Deran Sarafian, Beatrice Ring)
While Zombi 3 is marketed as a Lucio Fulci film, he actually died early on in its production and there are only a couple scenes which have that obvious Fulciness about them! Overall, Bruno Mattei did a terrible job of finishing this movie! No cool looking zombies, just the typical people in very minimal make-up with torn clothing. There is a great scene involving a dead pregnant lady, I'm sure with a little imagination you can figure out what happens! As I mentioned above I get this flick confused with Night of the Zombies, I haven't watched either of them for quite some time and their stories are fairly similar.
Directed by Bruno Mattei and Lucio Fulci
House by the Cemetery (1981)- (Feat. Catriona MacColl, Paolo Malco, Anja Pieroni, Dagmar Lassander)
One of director Lucio Fulci's best films, House by the Cemetery has all the goodness of an 80s Italian horror film! The show boasts blood, a rabid, little bat that has to be stabbed a lot of times to be killed, severed heads, a weird ghost twist, a strange end, Dr. Freudstein!, and BOB!!! If you watch House by the Cemetery you will know why BOB! is the coolest freaking kid ever! BOB! BOB! BOB! why is he always bringing home such trash?! You don't get to see the film's zombie, Dr. Freudstein until the very end but he is a very cool looking zombie! Fulci is the best horror film maker ever! Yeah!
Directed by Lucio Fulci
Astro Zombies (Year? 70s?)- (Feat. Wendell Corey, John Carradine)
Lots of people think this movie is good because it is really lame! I put in the film at a party and was forced to take it out after everyone gave it thumbs down for boredom!. I don't remember much of what I saw (thanks booze!), but wasn't impressed!
Directed by Ted V. Mikels
Night Life (1990)- (Feat. Scott Grimes, Cheryl Pollak, Anthony Geary, Alan Blumenfeld)
Night Life is an essential zombie flick! Night Life is one of the few films able to pull off humor and horror at the same time and do it very well! Scott Grimes (Critters 1, 2) plays a nerd who works at a morgue and is picked on by four fellow classmates who get in a deadly auto accident! Needless to say our car crash victims come back from the dead to harass Grimes and kill people! Good zombie make-up, good film!
Directed by David Acomba
Shock Waves (1976)- (Feat. Peter Cushing, John Carradine, Brooke Adams)
Yes it is true, yet more Nazi zombies!
Despite the fact that both Peter Cushing and John Carradine are in this film, it still sucks! Tourists on an island discover they are not alone! A Nazi experiment- men who can breath under water and were thought to be dead, stalk the vacationers and kill them one by one! Our sea zombies wear neat, leather goggles! Boring!
Directed by ?
Night of the Creeps (1986)- (Feat. Jason Lively, Steve Marshall, Jill Whitlow, Tom Atkins)
A very, very good 80s horror film. They used to play this on TV all the time when Uncle Jack was a lad! Things that look like fast moving slugs fall from outer space and get in people's brains! The slugs lay eggs and make people act like zombies until the slug babbies are ready to be born! When they are ready to hatch, BOOM!, the person whose head they inhabited explodes! Great! A very nice stop-motion, skeleton-zombie shows up wielding an ax in this film! AWESOME!
Directed by Fred Dekker
Invasion of the Flesh Hunters (1983)- (Feat. John Saxxon, Elizabeth Turner, John Morghen, Cindy Hamilton)
John Saxxon plays a Vietnam war vet who returns from the war haunted by visions of cannibalism! While he and his fellow soldiers were captives in Vietnam they were forced to resort to cannibalism to survive! The desire for human flesh was imbedded in the backs of their minds! Soon the Saxxon and the other vets find themselves roaming the streets in search of a fresh meal! The movie is OK, a little bit of a snoozer. While not a zombie film, Invasion of the Flesh Hunters is clearly a product of the genre.
Directed by Anthony M. Dawson
Dawn of the Mummy (Feat. Brenda King, Barry Sattels, George Peck)
While in Egypt doing a photo shoot- a bunch of models and their photographer decide to take some pictures in a cursed tomb! Bad idea, obviously! Some ok looking mummies come out to exact revenge on the models and anyone else who is around! A little gore, a little bit of the usual dumb acting, but worth the watch! Mummies are basically zombies!
Directed by Frank Argama
I, Zombie (1999)- (Feat. Gile Aspen, Ellen Softley, Dean Sipling)
This film is from England and despite its tiny budget, it is very good! A man gets bit by a girl he finds in an abandoned house and begins to slowly rot and need to eat people! If the man doesn't eat people he goes into convulsions from withdrawal from human flesh! The man buries what is left of his victims in his backyard and he has to hide from friends so they don't see how gross he looks! The movie is done like a documentary at times! There is a very awesome scene which I can't mention but anyone who watches this film knows what the really awesome scene is, you don't think it will really happen, but it does- and it is both sick and hilarious! Today's ADD youth may find this film a bit slow but people who grew up before shit like Scream and The Ring should enjoy it!
Written, Produced and Directed by Andrew Parkinson
The Supernaturals (1985)- (Feat. Maxwell Caulfield, Talia Balsam, Bradford Bancroft, Levar Burton, Scott Jacoby, Nichelle Nichols)
Despite the fact that Levar Burton (Reading Rainbow yeah!) has a small part in this film, it really, really blows! Director Armand Mastroianni clearly couldn't figure out if he was making a zombie flick for adults or retarded children! The comical music sucks, the jokes suck, the acting sucks! If it was not for a little gore this film would definitely be rated PG instead of R! The movie obviously had an ok budget when one sees the special effects, the story however, isn't worth two cents! Zombie-Confederate, Civil War soldiers return from the grave to attack a modern day group of soldiers on a dumb training mission (don't worry they brought booze on their mission and bad penis jokes)! Nichelle Nichols of Star Trek fame (Uhura) plays a very unbelievable sargeant in charge of the group of unfunny-goof balls! There is also crappy magic and a dumb, magic boy involved in the plot, great! This movie is not even lame enough to become good because it is so lame!
Directed by Armand Mastroianni
Zombie High (1987)- (Feat. Vigina Madsen, Richard Cox, James Wilder, Sherilyn Fenn, Paul Feig, Kay E. Kuter)
A fairly amusing 80s zombie/horror comedy, worth watching!
Directed by Ron Link
Zombie Island Massacre (Feat. Tom Cantrell, Diane Clayre Holum, Ian MacMillian, David Broadnax, Rita Jenrette)
This movie is sort of amusing, but don't watch it if you really want to see zombies! The best feature of this film is that no one ever gets upset for more than a couple seconds about the fact that everyone in their party is being massacred! You can make jokes and fall in love right after finding the corpses of your tropical island tour buddies! The acting it top-notch bad!
Directed by John N. Carter
The Thirsty Dead (1987)- (Feat. John Considine, Jennifer Billingsley, Judith McConnell, Fredricka Meyers, Tani Gutherie)
A girl finds herself in a village where her friends are all captured by a cult who mixes a magic leaf with human blood to create a delicious beverage that allows drinker to have eternal life! Haven't watched yet!
Directed by Terry Becker
Dawn Into Fear is the title for the Korean release of the original Dawn of the Dead by George A. Romero!!! One may recognize that the cover art for the movie is actually from the cover of Evil Dead 2 in the US!!!! The back of the movie box has pictures of scenes taken from various different films, none of which are Dawn of the Dead or Evil Dead 2!! Radical use of false advertising! Any way, everyone who is interested in zombie films has most likely seen the original Dawn of the Dead, where people battle zombies in a shopping mall!!!! A great and essential zombie film, it is just too bad that almost all the zombies are just people in blue make-up which is pretty lame!!
Directed by George A. Romero
Korean movie title "Dawn into Fear"- RAD that deserves *****!!!!!!!!!!!!