VARIOUS HORROR FILM REVIEWS 4!!!!!
I Dismember Mama (197?)- (Feat. Zooey Hall, Geri Reischi, Joanne Moore Jordan, Greg Mullavey)
I Dismember Mama has an almost identical storyline to the one in Killing Obsession starring John Savage! Killing Obsession while not great is much better than I Dismember Mama however! Zooey Hall does a fairy good job of playing Albert who thinks all women are whores and has a problem with killing them! Albert never dismembers his mother however, he doesn't really dismember anyone! After killing a warden at the mental institution where Albert was staying for threatening his mother's life, Albert escapes and goes home! When Albert gets home he finds his mother is not around because the police warned her that Albert escaped! So, Albert kills the house keeper and kidnaps her little daughter who he thinks is "pure"! This is when the movie turns really stupid for a really long time as Albert and the girl (who thinks Albert is watching her while her mother is at the hospital for being ill) go to an amusement park, take a paddle boat ride, go to the zoo, and on and on while shitty, happy music is playing!!! They have a fake marriage in a hotel room by themselves just like Savage's character did in Killing Obsession, shortly thereafter things go bad and the movie ends abruptly and lamely! Very little gore despite the movie title and very few deaths! The crappy, happy time outings with the girl make this movie certainly.... not worth viewing!!!
Directed by Paul Leder
Video Clip of Albert Talking to His Doctor- By Far the Best Part of I Dismember Mama!!!
The Mad Butcher (197?)- (Feat. Victor Bruno, Brad Harris, Karen Field, Carl Stearns, Sybil Martin, Arthur Mann)
As with many a re-released film which features a crappy staged photo on its cover, The Mad Butcher sucks! Part slap-stick, part stupid, there is something for everyone who likes to watch shitty movies!!! After being released from the mental institution where he was staying for hitting a woman with a large piece of meat, our "Mad Butcher" played by Victor Bruno finds his butcher shop in shabby condition and the prices his brother in law put on all the meat too high! Soon the "Mad Butcher" has his place cleaned up, his prices down, and everyone in town hungry for his new sausage recipe! Life also improves for the "Mad Butcher" when his annoying wife disappears (the sausages!), now he can watch his neighbor change her clothes all he wants! An irritating American newspaper reporter who is stationed in Vienna (where the film takes place) seems to have nothing better to do than hang out at the local police station and wait for morbid news! The reporter becomes a thorn in the side of the "Mad Butcher" as he investigates missing people reports and befriends the woman that the "Mad Butcher" likes to watch change! No gore, lame story which has been done many times, and Uncle Jack has the fake hand which is on front of the box, it costs $12 for a dozen from The Oriental Trading Company. DUMB MOVIE!!!
Directed by John Zurli
Video Clip of The Mad Butcher Making and Selling His Special Sausages- Note the Stupid, "Funny" Music that Plays all the Time!!!!
Skinner (1993)- (Feat. Ted Raimi, Ricki Lake, Traci Lords, David Warshofsky)
Traci Lords fans be warned, Lords is not the star of this movie and her character is supposed to look ugly, not like she does on that knife! She will not turn you on unless you like chicks who are supposed to look like they were partly skinned but really just look like half of their body is really old! Lords' character is trying to track down Dennis Skinner played by Ted Raimi so she can kill him and stop him from skinning more women alive! Skinner carries around a bag full of knives! Skinner likes to wear the skin of his victims! Who doesn't?! Raimi does an ok job of playing a psychopath, nothing amazing! Ricki Lake plays the woman who rents a room in her house to Skinner and is the second most prominent character in the film other than Raimi! While much of the movie is a little slow and the end of the film is one of the worst and most annoying that Uncle Jack has ever seen, there is a really awesome scene where Raimi puts on the skin of a black co-worker who pissed him off and runs around an industrial area trying to avoid guards, very creepy and disturbing! The blood and guts level of this film is quite low considering the name, usually consisting of cuts before anything graphic happens! Lords' does not do a very good job of acting not that that is any surprise, she spends most of her time hobbling around and spying on Skinner or shooting up heroine in her dirty hotel room and not speaking a lot! If you find this film for $1 and have nothing better to watch you may find it worth while, just skip the end, it seriously blows!
Directed by Ivan Nagy
Video Clip of Skinner Running Around in the Black Man's Skin!!!
Nature of the Beast (1994)- (Feat. Lance Henriksen, Eric Roberts, Brion James)
Nature of the Beast is a very good movie!!! Eric Roberts does a great job of playing a creepy, violent, asshole of a hitch hiker and Lance Henriksen is rad as usual!! Henriksen plays a businessman who makes the mistake of giving Robert's character a ride when it is known that a killer is on the loose, the "Hatchet Man," and a bank robber is also in the area. It soon becomes obvious that Henriksen and Roberts are both of these criminals but which one is which? Brion James (a DWI favorite) makes a tiny appearance as a cop at the end of the film which is nothing special. Excellent film which will keep you glued to the edge of your seat until the very end!!!!
Directed by Victor Salva
Midnight's Child (1992)- (Feat. Olivia D'Abo, Marcy Walker, Cotter Smith, Elissabeth Moss, Jim Norton, Judy Parfitt, Roxann Biggs, Mary Larkin)
The story for Midnight's Child is one which has been told many times- family hires nanny, nanny turns out to be a psychopath, the only difference is that this nanny belongs to a Satanic cult which is looking for a young girl to marry Satan! Olivia D'Abo does a good job of being evil and methodical in her task of tearing the family apart in order to achieve her goal! Not a lot of butchery and mayhem but entertaining none the less as this type of film tends to be!
Directed by Colin Bucksey
Frankenstein (1993)- (Feat. Patrick Bergin, Randy Quaid, John Mills, Lambert Wilson, Fiona Gillies)
What the world needs is... NO MORE FRANKENSTEIN MOVIES!!! This film is nothing special and rather boring!! Randy Quaid plays a Frankenstein who is basically a guy with an ugly face, the ability to heal himself, a lot of strength, and a lot of mental torment due to his ugliness! Patrick Bergin plays a lame Dr. Frankenstein with a psychic connection to his creation due to the fact that he made the creature in a tub of goo with himself as the guinea pig in a strange, magnetic-projection technique! After falling ill, Bergin loses interest in his monster which escaped immediately after conception, his interest is renewed however, when he can sense that the beast is closing in on his country home! Various things happen and the viewer becomes quickly bored with this poor version of a worn-out tale! Moment of coolness- when Frankenstein keeps his promise that if the doctor doesn't give him a bride before the doctor gets married he will show up on the doctor's wedding night and tear shit up!!! Overall this flick is a sleeper and not worth the 117 minutes it takes to watch!!!
Directed by David Wickes
Video Clip of Dr. Frankenstine Showing Off His Creations and the Monster Escaping!!
Bloody New Year (1987)- (Feat. Suzy Aitchison, Colin Heywood, Catherine Roman, Nikki Brooks, Mark Powley, Julian Ronnie)
Bloody New Year is an Australian film and is a little different- as many of that country's horror films were in the 80s! While the film starts out extremely lame, after the burden of the first ten or so minutes, it begins to get much more interesting! Young people find themselves on an unknown island after their boat capsizes! They discover a hotel on the island which is all decked out for a New Years Eve party even though it is the middle of July! Strange things start happening almost as soon as they enter the hotel and it is not long before one discovers the whole island is haunted by something! This movie is kind of like a cross between the television show Lost and Poltergeist, with a much smaller budget! Many cheesy special effects can be found in this fine film! The end of the movie is kind of cool and kind of not! The acting is typical of 80s horror films. An abundance of weirdness and cheap effects make this film worth watching however!!!
Directed by Norman J. Warren
Video Clip of a Visit to a Haunted Shed from Bloody New Year!!!
Sorority House Massacre II (1992)- (Feat. Robyn Harris, Melissa Moore, Stacia Zhivago, Dana Bently, Michelle Verran, Mike Elliot)
If your idea of a good horror movie involves scantily clad women and blood then this is absolutely the very best film you could ever see! Sorority House Massacre II gets down to business almost immediately! After moving into their new sorority house the stars of our show discover why it was such a good deal, a father murdered his family there! One of the best things about the telling of this back story is that the director uses footage that was pieced together from one of the "Slumber Party Massacre" movies!! The footage had nothing to do with a dad murdering his family, when it shows him killing his wife she doesn't look any older than his daughter's because all the women in that film were supposed to be teenagers!!! Good Job!! Any way, after they learn about the house's dark past they decide to change into their pajamas which consist of bras and thongs!!! Don't worry you get to see them all change and two of them take a shower!!! Almost immediately after the girls change into their nighttime garb, the killer shows up and the girls have to spend the rest of the show fighting for their lives in their revealing outfits! The film features a decent amount of blood, typical crummy acting and a PLAYBOY PLAYMATE!!!! Melissa Moore! So, since everyone loves boobs and violence (girls especially! watch this with a girl!) Uncle Jack certainly recommends this fine and sophisticated movie!!!!
Directed by Jim Wynorski
Video Clip of the Sorority Girls Playing with a Ouija Board in Their Minimal Night Wear!!!!
The Haunting of Morella (1991)- (Feat. David McCallum, Nicole Eggert, Christopher Halsted, Lana Clarkson, Maria Ford)
For fellow fans of the death metal band Six Feet Under (remember only their 1st album is any good) this movie box is of particular interest because that is the exact same ghost skull that is on the cover of the album Haunted! That is the only thing of note about this lousy film! Does the world really need anymore movies about old witches being reborn into a descendant who looks just like them?! A slow, boring movie that is low on murders, gore and special effects!! Two thumbs down!!!
Directed by Jim Wynorski (You made Sorority House Massacre 2 how could you make this crap?!)
The Love Butcher (1983)- (Feat. Erik Stern, Kay Neer, Robin Sherwood)
The Love Butcher is truly one of the best horror films of all time!!! Uncle Jack considered giving it its own link in the main menu like Dr. Butcher MD but it is not quite that good!! The Love Butcher tells the tale of Caleb, an ugly old gardener who sucks at his job and transforms into his alter ego Lester (a sex god) when a woman is mean to him and needs to be killed with gardening implements!!!! Caleb-Lester is played by Erik Stern who is exceptionally talented at being a psychotic weirdo!!! Lester's certainty that he is the ultimate, handsome- love machine is very amusing and his insane and violent rages are quite hilarious!!!! The movie features some bloody killings but nothing too over the top!!! The end of the film is pleasantly unconventional and cool!!!! If you can find this rare gem watch it!!!!!!!
Directed by Mikel Angel and Don Jones
The Love Butcher- Video Clip of A Typical Conversation Between Caleb and Lester!!!
The Love Butcher- Video Clip of Lester Losing His Cool With Some Garden Sheers!!!!
Cheerleader Camp (1987)- (Feat. Betsy Russell, Leif Garrett, Lucinda Dickey, Lorie Griffin)
Cheerleader Camp is a classic 80's horror film complete with boobs and Porky's type bad humor!!! When the Lindo Valley squad arrives at cheerleader camp one notices it is really great!!! About four different teams jump around by themselves in the grass and no one seems to teach them anything!!! The cheerleading is not the important part of this movie!!! The really crappy humor is truly the star of this flick followed by some standard murders and some bare-chested girls!!! Most certainly one of the best scenes is when the cheerleaders go sun bathing by a lake and the teams biggest competition Suzy takes off her top so one of the Lindo Valley cheerleaders does the same so as not to be shown up!!! Yes competitive boob showing off that should be a sport!!! There is also a scene featuring the worst rap ever when the two guys on the team bust out the mics and rock the lawn in front of no one but the dirty, old caretaker who likes watching the young girls!!! The really fat guy on the Lindo Valley squad is awesome and constantly filming naked girls because it is funny!!!! The head of the Lindo Valley cheerleaders, Alison (Besty Russell) has bad dreams and people she has problems with die, that is the horror part of the film!!!! Essential 80's horror/humor flick, just watch it!!!!!
Directed by Jeff Prettyman
Video Clip of the World's Worst Rap From Cheerleader Camp!!!!!
Legend of the Werewolf (1985)- (Feat. Peter Cushing)
Apparently Peter Cushing is the only person in this show worth mentioning because he is the only one who gets credit on the box!!! This movie is dumb and the werewolf looks just like the werewolf in the original Wolfman aka a dude with some stupid hair on his face and hands and some cheesy fake fangs!!! Really nothing good to say about this film, the best part was when it was over... DON'T WATCH IT!!!!
Directed by Freddie Francis
Bloody Murder 2 (2002)- (Feat. Katy Woodruff, Kelly Gunning, Amanda Magarian, Tiffany Shepis, Tom Mullen)
Bloody Murder 2 is the sequel to Bloody Murder which was a complete rip-off of Friday the 13th!!! Interestingly they changed how the killer looks in the sequel even though it is supposed to be the same guy!!! The art on the cover of the VHS still has "Trevor Moorehouse" dressed up in a hockey mask just like Friday the 13th's Jason Vorhees and the Trevor Moorehouse of Bloody Murder!! In Bloody Murder 2, the killer wears a plain, white human faced mask!!! Perhaps the Friday the 13th franchise wasn't too happy with their copy right infringement in Bloody Murder so they changed Moorehouse's look for the sequel but not on the box????!! Who knows!!! It is a bonnie mystery!!!!
Any way, all theories aside- Bloody Murder 2 is a typical counselors dying at camp type horror film!!! As is the case with many of these films the show is entertaining enough to make it worth watching!!! The story and acting are all typical of this type of movie!!! The first delivery of Moorehouse butchery is by far the most gruesome and well done (see below)!!!
Directed by Rob Spera
Bloody Murder 2 Video Clip of Trevor Moorehouse's First Victim!!!!
Epitaph (1986)- (Feat. Natasha Pavlova, Delores Nascar, Jim Williams, Flint Keller, Linda Tucker-Smith, Liz Kane)
While Epitaph features a fairly low body count and is at times a bit slow the film's murderous mother is so spastic that it certainly makes the film worth watching!!! When the Fulton family moves to LA it does not take long for the mother to start flirting with younger men and then killing them when they turn her down!!! The daughter is forbidden to have a boy friend because all men are evil and only want one thing!!!! The father has to bury his wife's victims in the back yard to keep her from going to the mental institution again!!!! When the father hires a psychiatrist to secretly work with his wife things begin to go sour!!!! Epitaph's acting is all poor to mediocre other than that of the woman who plays the mom but as mentioned earlier she truly steals the show!!!
Written and Directed by Joseph Merhi
Epitaph Video Clip of Drunk Mother Vs the Painter!!!!!
Jugular Wine (1994)- (Feat. Shaun Irons, Grace Gonglewski, Gordon Capps, Bill Moynihan, Blair Murphy)
Jugular Wine is a very artistic vampire flick with a lot of interesting cameo appearances as one can see by looking at the cover of the box!!!! Stan Lee of Marvel comics fame makes a brief appearance as a professor, Frank Miller also of comic book fame plays a guy named Frank who shows up for a moment, and HENRY ROLLINS plays himself showing up in a bathroom during a concert!!!! The star of the show James Grace played by Shaun Irons studies vampire lore until he becomes involved with a female vampire who is murdered by the world's most feared vampire "LEGION"!!! Grace kills one of LEGION's minions in the conflict and is condemned to a fate worse than death which he struggles for the rest of the film to understand!!!! Determined to find LEGION who spends most of his time in the dark of Alaska, Grace travels the country looking for clues about LEGION and the transformations which he begins to feel in his own body!!!! This movie is certainly not for those who can't handle strange filming, acting, and stories!!! If you like weird stuff, vampires and blood check this film out!!! There is some over acting especially by LEGION but it all really just adds to the film's bizarre charm!!!
Written, Directed, Produced and Edited by Blair Murphy (Obviously we know who made this film weird- Mr. Murphy, man did he do a lot of stuff for this mind warp!!!)
Jugular Wine Video Clip of LEGION's First Appearance!!!!!