EDUCATIONAL AND CHILDREN'S VIDEOS!!!!!
Computer Warriors "The Adventure Begins" (1990) Produced by Kroyer Films, Inc. for Mattel
Computer Warriors was certainly one of the worst and most failed cartoons ever made!!!! It is doubtful it lasted more than one season (not going to bother looking into it)!!!!!! Plot- a "top secret" government installation suffers from a super-computer system crash and "faulty artificial intelligence programs (AI's) are unleashed into the Bitstream Matrix"!!!!! To combat the problem the computer generates the "Computer Warriors" to track down and and destroy the stupid looking viruses!!!! ROMM is the dumb leader of "The Computer Warriors" and "MEGAHERT" is the equally crappy leader of the viruses (they are both pictured on the cover)!!!!! "The Computer Warriors" and the viruses ride around on little ships made of circuit boards!!!!!! Awesome or retarded you be the judge!!! When something farty happens "The Computer Warriors" and viruses are released from "the Bitstream Matrix" into the world of humans!!! In the human world, they need to transform Pepsi cans and alarm clocks into weapons!!!!!! This amazing boner of an idea made for excellent toys!! Yes, if you search the internet you can find the transforming Pepsi can or alarm clock battle stations as well as a transforming soccer ball and other poop!!!!! Check out the Computer Warriors Rap video below to see how great this show is!!! And... go buy the transforming Pepsi can damn it!!!!!!!!
Directed by Bill Kroyer
Computer Warriors- Video Clip of the Computer Warriors Rap Video Where They Show How it is made!!!!!
The Adventures of Little Drip (1995)- Seattle-King County Health Department
The Adventures of Little Drip is an educational video for young children which teaches about the water cycle!!! The star of the film is a stupid, little kid that sucks at acting, but then- so does everyone else in the show!! Films made for health departments such as this have very small budgets as one can imagine and it shows in the home-made type quality that the film has!!!!! The Adventures of Little Drip does feature amazing computer effects however, that look like they were made on a cheap animation program for an old Amiga!!!!! With a name like "Little Drip" one would expect the film's star to be an STD but no, he is the charming little raindrop pictured on the front of the box and that is really how good he looks!!!!! The film is live action with "Little Drip" superimposed into the scenes in advanced ways!!!!!! Uncle Jack doesn't know why anyone else would be as weird as him and watch this but hey- click the link below if you are that strange!!!!!
Produced by Bristol Productions Limited
The Adventures of Little Drip Video!!!!!!
Basic Concepts "Why We Have Laws" featuring Shiver, Gobble and Snore (1970)!!!
This is one of 11 videos which feature the characters Shiver, Gobble and Snore that was produced in 1970 by the Learning Corporation of America!!! The other videos are-
Why People Have Special Jobs:
the man who made spinning tops
Why We Conserve Energy:
the witch of the great black pool
Why We Have Elections:
the king of snark
Why We Have Taxes:
the town that had no policeman
Why We Need Doctors:
no measles, no mumps for me
Why We Need Each Other:
the animals' picnic day
Why We Need Reading:
the piemaker of ignoramia
Why We Take Care Of Property:
planet of the ticklebops
Why We Tell The Truth:
no more squareburgers in straighttalk
Why We Use Money:
the fisherman who needed a knife
Why would you want to bother watching this cartoon? Well, maybe you don't know why we have laws?!!!!
Directed by Lee Mishkin
Video of- Why We Have Laws: Shiver, Gobble and Snore
Aladin Un Die Wunderlampe (1993)- (Voices by: Armin Drogat, R.M. Ehrhardt, Georg Feils, Christopher Fellehner, Mareile...)
As most people know, Disney's animated version of Aladdin sucks!!! Most people do not know however, that Media Concept in Germany produced a far superior knock-off using state of the art 1993 computer animation!!! Yes, the Genie looks almost exactly the same as in Disney's version, except crappier aka cooler- as one can tell from the cover of the box!!!! And yes again, Aladdin does look as lame as he looks on the cover also!! Notice Aladdin's hands!!!!! Why are they so small and ugly, this awesome cartoon never answers that question which has perplexed mankind for generations!!!!!! Can German Aladdin sing?!!! Yes!! He is the best singer ever and he sings a sad song which makes all of the animals cry!!!! Is the computer animation super-imposed onto shitty, watercolor painted backgrounds?!!!! Of course, don't be an idiot!!!!! Is the Princess almost as good of a singer as Aladdin?!!!! That is the dumbest question ever- no one can sing anywhere near as good as German Aladdin!!!!! Is Aladin Und Die Wunderlampe in English?!!! Hell no!! And no, Uncle Jack doesn't know German so he never had any idea what was being said!!!! The story is similar to Disney's Aladdin just more minimal and crummy!!!! The animation is very minimal, generally limited to moving mouths, eyes, and twitching limbs!! Most of the cartoon features talking and almost no action!!!! You have to see this to believe it!! It brought back many fond memories for Uncle Jack of making sucky computer animations on his old Amiga! Check out the two video excerpts below and try not to cry too much when Aladdin sings!!!!!!!!!
Backgrounds- Michael Drexler
Script- Roswitha Haas
Animation- Ludwig Ickert
Music- Georg Feils, Ludwig Ickert, Can Oral, Uli Wanka
Produced by- Media Concept
Aladin Und Die Wonderlampe- Video Clip of Aladdin Making the Animals Cry With His Sad and Beautiful Song!!!!
Aladin Und Die Wonderlampe- Video Clip of the Princess Singing a Great Song!!!
Aarvy Aardvark Finds Hope (1994)- (Feat. Donna O'Toole, Bonnie Blue)
Aarvy Aardvark Finds Hope is a puppet movie based on a book by the same name which was written by Donna O'Toole!! The film like the book, is meant to help children deal with death and loss!!! The puppet of Aarvy Aardvark which can be seen above is hideous looking!!!! Aarvy Aardvark's friend- Ralphy Rabbit is fat with a dumb voice!! Ralphy Rabbit helps Aarvy Aardvark learn to cope with the loss of his family which was taken to the zoo!!! Ralphy Rabbit also teaches Aarvy Aardvark about death after Aarvy Aardvark discovers a dead bird!! I think all the voices were done by Donna O'Toole and they are very annoying!!!!! The puppets feature minimal movement and spend almost the whole show talking in their annoying voices in a land of sand dunes! Some scenes are created just using stills of the ugly paintings from the book!!! I'm pretty sure kids will turn stupid and ugly if they watch this show!!!!! Puppet artist Bonnie Blue made the puppets for this film!!!!!! The front of the box says the puppets are incredible... incredibly barf resembling!!!! Weird, grotesque, depressing- just what kids want to watch!!! Uncle Jack could not finish this 45 minute flick, Aarvy Aardvark and the obnoxious voices made him want to puke and be bored all at once!!!!!!
Produced and Directed by Danny Miller
Aarvy Aardvark Finds Hope- Video Clip of Gross Aarvy, Irritating Ralphy and the Dead Bird!!
El Mofles 4 (198?)- (Feat. Rafael Inclan, Canek, Alejandra Peniche, Zandokan, Doctor Jr., Principe Maya)
Uncle Jack found this wonderful El Mofles 4 VHS at Goodwill for ten cents so he thought he would check it out, and yes, it is just as dumb as the painting on the front of the box makes it look!!! While not exactly a children's film due to some sexually oriented jokes, one does have to be mentally underdeveloped to find anything in the film humorous!!! Despite the fact that Uncle jack understands very little Spanish, the slap-stick humor is so basic that one gets what is going on whether they know Spanish or not!! The film revolves around its star "El Mofles", his crappy side of the road mechanic business, his numerous trips to Mexican wrestling matches, his troubles with women who are way too good looking and smart to really be interested in a dirty and stupid guy like him, and his misadventures with two older mechanics whom he gets drunk with!!!!! The shows highlights are all the Mexican wrestlers who make guest appearances in their awesome wrestling masks and when El Mofles wakes up from a dream with his face in his bed pan (he doesn't have a toilet in his dirty apartment)!!!!!
Directed by Javier Duran
El Mofles 4- Video Clip of El Mofles Dreaming of Being a Pro Wrestler and Falling in His Bed Pan!!!