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Confessions of a Teeange Girl

I wasn't particularly sure of what I should write about for my friend's zine. After many tries; I came up with the perfect article. A friend's suicide attempt.

Let me give a little back ground for this situation. My birthday was in nine days. I had tickets to go see Lord of the Dance with my best friend. We talked on the phone for almost an hour planning what we were going to do; hair, makeup, pantyhose or no. Basic teenage girl jibber-jabber. And then she attempted suicide two hours after I hung up the phone.

My BESTEST friend wasn't at school on Monday; even though she had assured me that she couldn't miss anymore school because of wood shop. I thought it funky when she didn't show up, but passed it off figuring that she was a slacker and decided she didn't give a rats ass about wood shop. But when she didn't show up on Tuesday, I started to wonder, 'Why the Hell isn't she here? Is she in jail?' And then, ::dramatic music:: I found out that she was in some fucking 'mental institution' from another friend. When I first heard about it, I didn't believe it. She wouldn't kill herself nine fucking days before my birthday! Would she? Apparently she would.

When she called me from the 'mental institution,' she told me why she did it. After four shit filled days, she told someone (me) why she did it. She wanted to stop hurting people because she 'came to the realization that she manipulates them and she wanted it all to end so it would be okay for everyone.' Did she think we'd all be, 'She's dead? Really? Oh Well. Crap! My science homework isn't done yet!'? Or 'Oh, that's too bad. Gee, did she ever give me back my CD?' In the process of trying to stop our pain, she caused more. She scared everyone, and I guess I don't see her realization for trying to leave the people who try to protect her and love her.

Anyway, that's what I did this week. I coped with my best friends suicide attempt. Not the first friend who tried it, but bone wrenching none the less. What bothers me the most is that she didn't even say good-bye. Only some crappy suicide note that no one found. But does that count? No! But she did call her girlfriend to say good-bye. I hope if she ever tries to do that again, she'll say good-bye. I love her dearly, and it tears my heart apart that she would want to end her short life upon this earth.

When she reads this, I hope she reads how much I care for her.

Enough with the sappy crap. She's alive, isn't she? Let's party!

By Morgan

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