Best Killer Birds, Bugs, and Animals Movies!
The Nest- INTEK corporation's genetic experiment on cockroaches has gone terribly wrong! They are developing a taste for blood! Meat at the grocery store, dogs, and of course humans, are all at the mercy of these disgusting, little insects. As the viewer eventually sees, these are no ordinary flesh-thirsty cockroaches either. Due to genetic mutation these bugs can take on physical aspects of what they eat. Very good special effects, especially towards the end, looks like the work of the guy who did John Carpenter's "The Thing." The acting is pretty good for a 80s horror flick too. ****
Beaks, The Movie (1987)- (Feat. Christopher Atkins, Michelle Johnson)
While many people will declare my following statement sacrilege, here it is any ways, Beaks is better than Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" (which mind you is still a good show). Why? It is funnier, grosser, cheesier, and more morbid. A hawk attacks a guy hang-gliding and rips out his eyes, killer pigeons attack a train full of people, and a whole school bus full of kids gets wasted! Awesome! Anybody with the guts to show dead kids in a horror film receives an A+ from DWI, why it is ok for anyone else to die, be they old, disabled, attractive or hideously ugly? It is a dumb rule. I can't remember why these birds are killing people, but it's not like Hitchcock's film had a good reason either, not that reasons are necessary for horror films. Sometimes reasons are a bad idea.
Produced, Written and Directed by Rene Cardona Jr.
Grizzly (1985)- (Feat. Christopher George, Andrew Prine, Richard Jaeckel, Joan McCall, Joe Dorsey)
A giant grizzly bear tears people into little pieces and eats them, even "little billy." The usual mixing of a real animal with a fake one.
Razorback (1983)- (Feat. Gregory Harrison)
A murderous and huge wild boar kills people in the Australian outback. The back of the box boasts that the film's director- Russell Mulcahy, did work on music videos for Fleetwood Mac and Duran Duran, so this film must... Rock??!!! Despite how cool Razorback looks when the viewer finally gets to see him, Razorback does no rocking actually!! The film is slow and most of the characters are highly annoying or at least unlikable! The dog food cannery where the film's human villains work is rad, gross, dark and full of animal corpses, other than that and the cool looking giant pig, nothing else good to say.
Directed by Russell Mulcahy
Video Clip of Razorback Tearing up the Cannery in an Attempt to Kill Gregory Harrison!!!
The Swarm (1978)- African killer bees arrive in America due to storm winds! The bees kill all the personnel in a nuclear missile silo! The bees kill a boy's family when they are having a lovely picnic! The bees just want to kill everyone with their stinging stings! Hey, they are KILLER bees after all! Despite all the killing through stings, and the fact that the bees are super smart and insolate their hives by chewing up plastic cups, this movie basically sucks. To top it all off, if you want to watch the whole movie you have to sit through 155 minutes of suckiness! It should not be legal to make a crappy movie that long! The movie boasts that it has many stars, which it does- Michael Caine is the lead of the film as the British guy who knows everything about killer bees! The movie also features- Richard Chamberlain, Henry Fonda, Lee Grant, Jose Ferrer, Bradford Dillman, and Katharine Ross as the chick who loves the guy who knows everything about killer bees! There are even more famous people! These people help the bogus movie to have better acting than it would with a lesser cast. The very important thing about The Swarm though, is how they try and kill the bees, they get them to fly over Las Vegas and then they light the whole town on fire! What a superb idea! It doesn't work. So, to try and finish them off they lure them out over the ocean which they dumped a bunch of oil on, and light that on fire! I can't tell you whether lighting the ocean on fire works better then lighting Las Vegas on fire, you'll just have to watch this boring piece of trash if you really want to know!!!
Produced and Directed by Irwin Allen
Tail Sting (2002)- (Feat. Laura Putney, Robert Merrill, Rick Kelly, Gulshan Grover)
For all the Snakes on a Plane fans out there, that movie was not the first about poisonous creatures on an air plane. Behold- Tail Sting! Yes, Tail Sting! That sounds exciting! Best of all, "No one can hear them sting!" Anyway, giant scorpions are loose on an airplane, giant genetically enhanced scorpions! The buggers manage to get into the walls of the airplane, how I don't know, they are very big! They are all over the place, and there is a very big queen scorpion! The plane gets completely trashed but still manages to keep flying some how. Quite a funny movie really, it is not supposed to be however.
Directed by Paul Wynne
Food of the Gods Part 2 (1988)- (Feat. Paul Coufos, Lisa Schrage)
The original "Food of the Gods," movie is a classic, Food of the Gods Part 2 is a heap of crap. While the original had giant mosquitoes, chickens, grubs and other creatures, part 2 has giant rats, a giant kid, giant tomatoes, and more giant rats. The giant rats are either superimposed real rats, or real rats on a tiny replica set of a swimming pool. There is also one large, fake rat head which is used when the rats bite people. The rats become huge from biting the giant tomatoes which were being used in a project to try and find a way to make the annoying, giant kid a normal sized kid again. The movie is more boring than it sounds. A guy does melt when he touches an experimental chemical, that is the best part of the whole film, it does not make the whole film worth watching however. Final conclusion, lame.
(Directed by Damian Lee)
Empire of the Ants (1977)- (Feat. Joan Collins, Robert Lansing, John David Carson)
I thought of the classic, giant-killer ant film "Them" when I found this flick. It turns out these giant ants make the very same sound as those in "Them", very interesting, that must mean that is definitely the sound giant ants make!
In Empire of the Ants, Joan Collins trys to sell people crappy property on an island where toxic waste has washed ashore, making giant ants, of course! The best part of this film is the real ants which are superimposed on the screen to create the effect of giant ants. The ants always seem to be contorted and writhing in pain, they definitely don't look threatening. At times the ants are obviously trapped in a thin area between a piece of glass and a blue screen so the have to move in a straight line. I think some of the ants may have been glued in place for ease. There are some giant prop ants for when it is time to feast on human flesh. The best part of the film doesn't come until the last 20 minutes, so there is a reward if you can trudge through the crappy character development and boringness of the movie up until that point.
(Directed by Bert I. Gordon)
Curse 2 The Bite (1989)- (Feat. Jill Schoelen, J. Eddie Peck, Jamie Farr, Savina Gersak, Bo Svenson)
Curse 2 has absolutely nothing to do with the very excellent Curse 1 (The Curse) which has Wil Wheaton!!! in it yeah!!!! The Curse is about a meteor which lands on a farm and begins to have strange and deadly effects on it! Curse 2 is about a man who is bitten by a radio-active snake! What happens to the man after he is bitten by that snake is truly amazing and awesome! Just watch it!
Directed by Fred Goodwin
Strays (1992)- (Feat. Kathleen Quinlan, Timothy Busfield, Claudia Christian)
Fucking piece of shit! That basically sums up the quality of this movie which is far beyond just crappy. Boring, annoying characters, dumb husband-wife drama, only 3 deaths related to the killer strays, and a idiotic defense against the cats- water of course! The only gore is some cat scratches! Very minimal cast! Very stupid end! Obviously made for TV by the numerous fade-outs (no doubt the reason for the poor gore quality)! And this film dares to compare itself to The Birds!!! Put knives in your eyes!!!! It will be more fun than watching this schlock!!!
Directed by John McPherson
Aberration (1997)- (Feat. Pamela Gidley, Simon Bossell)
I thought Project Metal Beast had the world's most brief movie description on the back of its box, well all this film tells us is "natural selection is a killer"! The back of the box looks like the front of a box! Uncle Jack was excited to discover this film is directed by one of his favorite comic artists- Tim Boxell!!!
While the movie starts out sort of strange and surreal like one of Uncle Jack's favorite films- Project Nightmare, eventually the plot becomes evident and the movie seems to normalize quite a bit! A woman with a shady past goes to her old family cabin in the woods and discovers it is infested with large and intelligent lizards which want to kill everyone, of course! She befriends a local scientist who wanders around in the woods, finds gooey substances and spies on people with his binoculars! They battle the highly-rubberized lizards in a blood-bath of reptile fluids and guts! Many exploding reptiles! A lizard through the head and a lizard inside of a leg! These cold-blooded killers have the ability to retract spines, spit poison and reproduce very quickly like gremlins!! A cheesy but mildly amusing production!! Some nice gore!!! Some nice camera work, well filmed!!!
Directed by Tim Boxell
The Birds 2: Land's End (1994)- (Feat. Brad Johnson, James Naughton, Jan Rubes, Tippi Hedren)
The Birds 2 is.... shitty!!! The story sucks! The special effects are crappy!! The end is ultra-lame!!! The viewer does learn a few important facts about birds however! High tides make birds kill!!! Birds can peck through wooden doors!!! Birds can peck through aluminum boats!!! Most killer birds are seagulls or crows!! Killer birds always peck people's eyes out!!! There is one killer hawk who takes out the family dog!! There is a little bird that the dog brings home that the kids name "Eggbert"- this is the best part of the movie!! Eggbert is a radical name!! Don't watch this film!! Do name family pets and children Eggbert!!!
Directed by Alan Smithee
Bug (1975)- (Feat. Bradford Dillman, Joanna Miles)
A giant earthquake opens up a big crack in the ground on a farm in California! Amazing, all the buildings stay completely intact for the most part! Could that have something to do with the budget?! The viewer sees a church fall apart a little in the beginning from the inside view- I think that seen is where 90% of the films budget went! Any way, cockroaches which start fires with their butts and then eat the ash crawl out of the crack in the ground! Boy oh boy, bushes sure are flammable! People and furniture sure our flammable too! Despite this really exciting sounding premise?! This film is shitty and boring!! The last 3/4 of the film are just a crazy professor hanging out in a farm house using a pressurized diving helmet to breed these fire starting cockroaches with the common house roach!
The back of the box claims this film features foot long cockroaches, sorry, that is a lie! The director just got his hands on some of those large, hissing cockroaches that they have at all the zoos! Best part of the film- the way no one ever takes the pyro-insects off their faces! Also, the cockroach crossbreeding results in really smart roaches which use their bodies to spell things out on the wall, wow, awesome! This movie is seriously worse than it sounds! Yet another film where the end leaves the viewer wondering, "what the hell just happened? Did the bugs die or not?!" Crap!
Directed by Jeannot Szwarc
Video Clip of a Fire starting Roach Setting a Woman's Head and then House Ablaze! Wow! She sure is Flammable!
Bugged (1996)- (Feat. Particular K. Basque, Ronald K. Armstrong, Jeff Lee)
Bugged is further proof that most films by Troma are not funny and suck garbage-shit! Bug effects- not good, acting- not good, script- not good, directing- not good! Our exterminators' poison spraying guns are spray painted Super Soaker squirt guns! The canisters of bug poison are made out of cardboard and tin foil! This movie is not bad enough to be good, and just boring enough to be boring! Story- exterminators accidentally put a toxic compound in their sprayers which makes the crickets they are spraying mutate, grow, and become smarter! They must use a gun, baseball bat, and two pipe bombs to lamely try and dispatch with their insect foes! Stupid, weak, and a waste of mind!
Written, Edited, and Directed by Ronald K. Armstrong
A Video Clip Example of a Cheesy, "Bugged" Bug's Attack and Bloody Demise!
Day of the Animals (1982)- (Feat. Christopher George, Leslie Nielson, Lynda Day George, Richard Jaeckel, Michael Ansara, Ruth Roman)
Day of the Animals has an awesome premise- a hole in the ozone layer is making animals go crazy and kill people!!! I knew it!!! Why don't ozone crusaders tell the world the truth?! If everyone knew that the holes in the ozone layer are going to make all the animals kill us, they would all stop polluting immediately!!! Any way, in Day of the Animals the people on an unspecified mountain become victims of animal attacks!!! The animals on this mountain act in this way while others do not due to their elevation which increases the evil effects of the hole in the ozone!! The people on this mountain begin to become mentally troubled also!!! The main characters in this fine film are out on a long mountain hike, far away from civilization!!! Christopher George plays the cool headed guide of the expedition and Leslie Neilson does a great job of playing an asshole businessman along for the trip who turns very Lord of the Flies on everyone!!! Leslie Neilson rocks when he is shirtless and beating people with his walking stick!!! Leslie Neilson is the best part of this show other than the radical concept of animals driven mad by ozone radiation!!!
All the animal attack scenes are very weak! The director got his hands on a few trained animals which are constantly shown walking around rather lethargically and following the hikers- a hawk, a cougar, a brown bear, and a couple wolves!! The hawk always seems to be signaling the attacks with its screech!!! When the animals attack- all one ever sees are cuts from live animal footage to paws on the victim!!! Neilson does actually sort of get to wrestle with the bear however!!! Best animal attacking scene- when a group of ten or more German Shepherds show up for no reason at a camp on top of the mountain!! One of the actors even asks when fleeing the dogs, "What are they doing here!" Awesome!!! This film is not amazing but definitely has some amusing scenes and a dope plot!!!!
Directed by William Girdler
A Video Clip of Killer Vultures Killing from Day of the Animals!!!
Kingdom of the Spiders (1977)- (Feat. William Shatner, Tiffany Bolling, Woody Strode, Altovise Davis)
Kingdom of the Spiders stars William Shatner so one instantly knows that it is good!!! In the film William Shatner plays the veterinarian for a small town which is suffering from unusual livestock deaths!!!! Soon people begin dying as well, and an "attractive", female entomologist (Tiffany Bolling) who comes to town says that the blood samples which she has received from the town's dead are full of spider venom!!!! Shatner is in disbelief until he and the entomologist discover dirt hills full of tarantulas!!!!! Oh, the dangers of pesticides!!!!!! The hungry spiders unable to find other insects to feed upon gang up and attack humans and animals from their dirt hill bases!! This film was nominated for best horror film of 1977 by the Academy of Sci-Fi, Fantasy and Horror Films!!!!!! Kingdom of the Spiders deserves the praise!!! William Shatner, Tarantulas stuck all over everything and a town covered in spider webs!!!!!A+!!!!!!!!!
Directed by John Bud Cardos
Kingdom of the Spiders- Video Clip of the First Meeting with the Spider Hill!!!!!
Python 2 (2002)- (Feat. Billy Zabka, Simmone Jade MacKinnon, Dana Ashbrook, Alex Jolig)
Python 2 is a shitty piece of shit!!! The computer graphics used for the snakes and helicopters are very dated by today's standards, the acting sucks, the story is dumb, and the characters are unlikable!!!! Story- an American military plane crashes in Russia after it is shot down by rebels!! Two giant pythons are released from their high-tech cages after the Russian military takes the strange boxes to their base!!!!! A stupid American trucker and his Russian wife are hired by the CIA to help get the snakes back for the US to use in war related experiments!!!!!! Crap, shit, turd, piss, vomit, barf, fuck, the end!!!!!!!!!
Directed by Lee McConnell
Phase IV (1973)- (Feat. Nigel Davenport, Michael Murphy, Lynne Frederick)
Phase IV is a classic, killer ant movie for the 70s!!!!! After some unknown and unexplained event in space, people begin predicting that catastrophic things will happen on the earth, floods, earthquakes, the end of the world, etc. The only thing that happens however, is that all the ants of the world join together, get weird crystal shapes in their heads, and build strange monoliths!!!!!!! After discovering this bizarre activity among the ants, two scientists go into the desert to study a colony of ants and their monolith collection!!! The scientists take up residence in a high-tech dome which has its own generator, air conditioning, food that comes out of a machine, a lot of old school computers, and a poison spraying defense system!! It does not take long before the scientists and a girl whom they save from the ants, are under siege by an army of ants who can communicate in symbols that they convey through a series of high pitched pulses! Who will win- ant or man?!!!!! While Phase IV is a little slow, and it features a long and boring intro where ants are shown crawling through clearly man made tunnels- plotting and building their army, the movie is certainly unique and will be appreciated by fans of the bizarre!!!!!! The acting is fine, the deaths are few, there is very little gore (an ant does come out of a hole in a dead man's hand!), and the script/directing is good! A mildly psychedelic-ant-death-trip!!!
Directed by Saul Bass
Phase IV- Video Clip of the Psychedelic Ant Filled Intro to the Film!!!
Rats "Night of Terror" (1983)- (Feat. Richard Raymond, Alex MsBride, Richard Cross, Ann Gisel Glass, Janna Ryann)
This fine Italian film is like a radical cross between a crappy, Road Warrior knock-off and a killer rat movie!!!! For the US release all the people involved were given American sounding names, so none of the names above are actually real!!
Story- some time in the future something bad happens which ruins the surface of the Earth!!! Some humans remain above ground and some move beneath the surface!!! The underground people are of no consequence until the last few minutes of the movie! The people above ground ride around on motorcycles and in armored cars that have weapons attached to them!!! When a group of these apocalyptic warriors arrives in an abandoned town, they come across a building which is full of food and contains an abandoned scientific lab! Some one was growing plants hydroponically in the lab!! Plants will not grow outside in the harsh environment of this brutal future!!!!! There is also a water purifying machine!! Most importantly there is a crappy wall which is a crappy computer that one of the rough dudes named "Video" thinks is a video game!!! Video is named "Video" because he was the best at video games before the world was devastated!!!!! After hitting all kinds of switches and buttons Video comes to the conclusion that it is not a video game and then an orange video monitor says something about evacuating the premise!!!! All this is not important however!!!!!!!
As soon as night falls lots of rats show up and start eating people, swimming in the water purifying machine and chewing up the tires and electrical systems of the vehicles so no one can escape! The rat attack scenes are very cheesy and mostly consist of people off camera throwing rats at the actors!! The movie's gore is fairly lame, any eaten bodies which one sees are always just a red, pulpy mess with no grotesque detail!!!!! The dialogue in the film sucks, the characters are lame and the crappy dubbed acting is poop!!! Rats N.O.T's only redeeming moment is only the last couple seconds of the film which isn't really worth getting to!!!! Road Warrior combined with a killer rat film had so much potential? Too bad it is lame!
Directed by Vincent dawn
Rats "Night of Terror"- Video of the Arrival of the Road Warriorish Gang to the Rat Infested Town!!!!